WARNING. A LONG RAMBLING POST IS ABOUT TO BEGIN......YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:
It is past midnight here and I am sitting in the dark with my little computer trying to convince myself that I need to stop worrying. I am the worrying type, the nervous nelly that worries and imagines how everything and anything could go wrong. And living in a foreign country this has become more of a problem since now not only do I have to worry about what I always worry about (burglers, murders, accidents, natural disasters, war, diseases, my son getting lost or hurt, etc. etc. etc.) but I also have to worry about people understnading me, using the right grammar, if they are going to make fun of me, how to run away the fastest if I make a mistake.....
I sound pretty crazy.
I know.
I am.
And to tell you the truth, for some reason I feel as if I need to worry in order to prevent horrible things from happening. Yes, I realize that I am inching myself closer and closer towards the textbook defninition of insanity. I remember many times when flying, sitting in my seat, obsessively looking out the window and repeating hte same prayer over and over again. I have no idea how I became this way, but it is so tiring.
Why am I thinking about all of this at close to 2 in the morning? Well, I realized how happy I am and just by merely realizing how happy I am I thought that soon there had to be something that would end my happiness.....isn´t that terrible? I have ruined many moments or created chaos just by being this way, and not to mention all the stress that it brings along. I can feel it coursing through my body.
The first time I realized how much constant stress I was under, was when I tried to meditate. I began to focus on my scale and slowly tried to relax every inch of my body. As I reached my neck I could feel how hard it was and how much effort it took to just go limp. The same thing happened with my shoulders, hands, legs, and mouth. Amazing.
So as the new life in hte new house os approaching I am determined to stop this nonesense and enjoy, relax and live.
To the end of un-needed worrying.
my theory is that if i worry about something it doesn't change what is going to happen. it only causes stress. i would bet that 99.9% of what you worry about never happens. if there is something that concerns you and you can do something about it, then do it. otherwise just let it go. seems like sending out positive energy is the best way to avoid mishaps. hope you got back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to answer my ramblings. I did finally go back to sleep. There have been many events in my life that have caught me of guard and that is why I believe that my lack of awareness of the posibility caused the event. All these things happened when I was young. Therefore It left its mark. But I believe in change, even though it scares me and I also believe in the power of positive energy. So thankyou again dear Deanna :)
ReplyDeletewooni,
ReplyDeletealong the same lines as deanna . . .
i use to worry and create unnecessary stress (tanto) for myself.
my father helped me to learn, "if it is something you have no control
over, don't worry about it."
in your posts you always speak of good things, wonderful happenings in
the life of you and your family! keep surrendering your energy into
all things good. take deep breaths.
just last night i babysat for some very close friends (a young couple) who have two children. the mom is from here, new mexico. I taught school with her. the dad is from Germany!
Before they were married, she went to live in Germany for 2 years. She took classes to learn the German. Now they live here. Their daughter, all of 3 years old, is tri-lingual. German, English and Spanish!
There is good, good and more good in life!
¡felicidades!
*hope i spelled that correctly...