Many thoughts

This clear blue Wednesday I sit down at my displaced kitchen table (now in the living room because of one wall cabinet decided to fall down and shatter all mycrystal into thousands of small slivers. May it was a collective decision. maybe they decided to revolt since they were never in use.) and enjoy a cup of hot coffee as I read through Jude Hill´s blog. For me it has turned into more that just a blog. It is a school, where I am taught to see the world differently, where I am taught how to see clearly, and yesterdays lesson was a beautiful one. It was about shot cotton, but it is so much more than just about cloth. I was about my past and my present and of course my future. It made me think about the little girl that I used to be. How I would play in the little garden that met the woods in Concordville, Pennsylvania. How  would wear shot cotton dresses with a crumpled waist and walk up and down a fallen old tree. How I would wait anxiously every weekend to spend time with my father and how most of those weekends were just a mere extension of his work week.

There were a few weekends that we were a little family, sitting on the big bolder that stood stubbornly in the middle of the creek and ate sandwiches, or watched for deers in the winter. Those warm cozy memories of unity and feeling complete and in the right place are all woven tightly in the shot cotton. But just was the shot cotton, once you ct it you see how easily the different threads start to unwind and unravel.

Now in the present I am once again closely staring atshot cotton and other fabrics as I used to as a child and once again I have a sense of unity, I feel complete and in the right place. However, I am afraid that one tug all could fall apart. It is just paranoia. I am an expert at it. I do have a bit of OCD. Itread softly when things seem to be going right. I try not to get my hopes up fearing that they will just get squished.

So as I put my fears and thoughts aside I continue with my little halloween cloth.