My life at the moment has changed with the season. With my mom's approaching departure, I have been anxiously practicing my new routine. Wake up before the sun in order to in drink my coffee in peace. Then wake, dress, and convince Basti to go to kindergarten. Breastfeed sometimes while doing many of these things. After forcing a jacket on basti off we go to kindergarten. Then silence for at least an hour and I am able to eat, do some chores, and if I am lucky respond to some emails. Then back to kindergarten, cook lunch, feed the children, naptime is for more chores, dinner time followed by bath time and bedtime. And the I can once again feel like An Adult. And then after a few hours of unconsciousness the routine starts again.

It has been exhausting, difficult, stressful, overwhelming, and questioning. I question how others have done it. How I will be able to handle it once my mom is back in bogota. Will I be able to eat? Why stay at home moms are not honored and praised for all their hard work. We are cooks, maids, teachers, negotiators, entertainers, nurses, and so much more. We are selfless beings that give everything to our children, and put ourselves on hold.

But even though at times I wonder if I can handle it all, if I can survive the screaming and crying and demanding. I cannot imagine having someone else raising my kids.