Hole Hearted

Inspired by Jude's heart cloth in her Contemporary Woven Boro workshop. The purpose of this cloth is to soften the hole that a loved one has left with their absence.

A fish and the Moon

An unconventional love story....

symmetric beginning

back to weaving with Jude.

What is real?

have you ever imagined what would happen if we pushed ourselves to use our entire brain power? What would we discover? Even with the small amount of 9% we have reached so many fascinating speculation and conundrums, such as our own consciousness. I have recently watched "Inception", a wonderful movie, because it's theme is something I have always held dear to my heart, dreams. I have found myself asking many times how is it that once can be so sure, so certain that one reality is real and the other is not. What is real? What does that word describe?

Real:

1. existing or happening as or in fact; actual, true, etc.; not merely seeming, pretended, imagined, fictitious, nominal, or ostensible
2. 1. authentic; genuine
   2. not pretended; sincere
3. designating wages or income as measured by purchasing power
4. Law of or relating to permanent, immovable things: real property
5. Math. designating or of the part of a complex number that is not imaginary: all irrational and rational numbers are real numbers
6. Optics of or relating to an image made by the actual meeting of light rays at a point
7. Philos. existing objectively; actual (not merely possible or ideal), or essential, absolute, ultimate (not relative, derivative, etc.)

How can you be certain of something being real? I have had many dreams that feel real, seem real. It is as if they have a whole existence of their own. This is a dangerous area to play in. I have found myself to become confused to easily by the question I ask. Is it because I am easily persuaded by my own doubts? Is it that I need to believe in magic and marvel rather than a real existence where everything can be easily explained with scientific words?

I think I prefer to live in a borderline existence where my dreams have their own life and feel and my non dreaming state also has its right to exist without questioning.

I recall one dream I had recently. I was on a boat, a massive cruise ship type boat, made entirely of wood. And within the boat there were rooms were one could experience a sinking ship. I recall feeling wet . I remember touching to moist wood and smelling the water, the moss, the wood, my own clothing. It was so real.

Could it be that if we actually were capable of using our entire brain power our consciousness could live within ourselves? Could we actually become our own universes without experiencing each other? Would we still then be united by a  innate, basic, fundamental commonness? How would we build our own existence within ourselves if we have not had the change to experience life outside of ourselves?

And another question, is consciousness only achieved through having a physical presence? Or is it also a condition that pure energy may have? Is light conscious? Maybe these are all just stupid questions....I just had to ask.

I hate winter.

I have several confessions. The first of many is, I hate winter. Maybe it has something to do that I have never bought the proper clothing to venture out into the world when everything is white. And maybe my severe morning sickness has a lot to do with it as well, because just looking at all that white makes me queasy.

And during is ever so cold and snowy winter I have been dreaming of green, warm, breezy days. I have been dreaming of my past life living as a child living in Naples Florida, waking up to the soothing salty air and rhythmic sound of the waves. Even though I do not want to live in Florida again I have realized that I need to be near water.

The other confession I have to make is that even though I can only stomach bread, pasta, cheese, and grapefruit juice I have been having this dying desire to cook and bake. Mind you my nose is so sensitive that I can be all the way in my bedroom and someone opens the kitchen door and I am able to smell every little spice and food item in there. My husband thinks I am insane, and well pregnant woman sometimes suffer from moments of insanity. I have even had dreams of taking cooking seriously and seeing where it takes me.

I have always wanted to have a little bistro and make cupcakes, and hot sandwiches, and milkshakes and .... but first I need to overcome this first trimester funk that I loathe and finally be able to return to the kitchen.

I have been setting my sewing aside, not because I am no longer passionate about it, but because the motion is too much for me at the moment. All I can muster is sitting, shifting, carfully walking to the bathroom and breathing. Ugh.

So those are my confessions. I have many dreams for this year to be great. 2010 was one of the worst years we have had and I believe with all my soul that 2011 will be much better. It has already started out with two new beginings. A new life and a new house in the country.

This city girl that moved to the country and became agoraphobic is now returning to the German country. A small village surrounded by woods with a little house next to a small creek is where we shall live. There will be a lot of renovating since it is an old house. The windows need to be replaced for more energy efficient ones. The electricity needs to be redone. The bathroom needs a major improvement since it is stuck in the 1930's when people only took weekly baths...The walls need to be painted. The floors need to be torn up and redone. Well there is a lot of work. And the Dr. has already begun his stressing out over how he is going to manage this since is wife is pregnant and cannot do so much.

We shall see how everything unfolds.