Topsy Tury Toby

Here is a close up of my new friend Topsy Turvy Toby. He is baby safe and very colorful. I like the fact that his ears are pointing to the right to give him a crooked look. I might just make more friends like him. Who says things need to be straight?

Lack of Vitamin D?

Happiness is a strange thing. It can seem so hard to achieve, yet so easy to obtain. But apparently it takes a certain mind set to find happiness in life. Like the chirping of birds can make people smile and enjoy the day, or a cup of nicely brewed coffee, or something even simpler as opening your eyes. I used to be that way. I would wake up in the morning and smile. I would see the sun and be happy. I would drink my coffee happily, and now with a baby, a gorgeous baby, you would think that my happiness would multiply. And in a way it has. I love being a mother to Basti, playing with him, teaching him, being with him. But there is a certain gloominess that hovers around. Maybe its the fact that we are stagnant. We have been in the same condition for months now, and yes even though there is a light that has and is still flasshing brightly in our eyes. I hate to say this, but I have lost that edgy positivity of " of course things are going to get better!" It is strange to see how certain living conditions can change a person, and I find myself at moments being so stressed, so tense. I catch myself in the mirror and I see a straight line, a tight rope as my mouth. My eyes look stern, and I hate it. I hate that the current condition has changed me.

I am that person on the subway that looks through the window wanting to feel the happiness that the sun rays are trying to give. Maybe I'm just exaggerating. I know I am a sensitive person, overly- sensitive, and being thrown into a different culture where people are sterner, into a different language that seems to be an ICE that you have to catch up with in order to get on...I have felt lost.

The only thought that runs through my mind is that everything happens for a reason. I am being taught a lesson. Maybe its because I was such a spoiled person. I used to live in a country where I had a maid, a chef, a chauffeur. I went to a private school where girls would come in with bodyguards driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audi's. A completely different mindset that is now being tortured and killed off, which I don't mind at all. That was not a realistic way to live life at all. I also saw the unfortunate people who lived on the streets, children begging for money, dirty, shoeless, sleeping on the steps surrounded by trash. I appreciate things more now, like a clean kitchen, folded laundry, a delicious meal. I enjoy doing things for myself. But still, there is something between these two clashing cultures that has saddened me. Its not the, what may seem, unfriendly stares, its more the solitude. People do not just walk up to you to be your friend. To ask you how you are doing. You have to know them first.

Well... I had the urge to write. Probably this will just be a post for myself, even though its nice to think that I am read my many, maybe even felt by some. Even if those readers are imaginary, they bring me comfort. I sound pretty pathetic, sorry for that. I am not always like this. Its probably the cloudiness.....

As promised, for any of you still reading this blog (are you reading? please say yes : D) here is a picture of a completed Sachet fly freely near my work space window. My little nook is quite sad I must say, maybe one of these days I will photograph it so that I can look back and see how sweet my little arch your back and don't bump your head while standing space used to be. I imagine my future self having this beautifully large and wonderfully lit room where I have my dream machine, roles of beautiful fabric, a cabinet fool of spools of thread (organized by color and categorized by brand) pin cushions dotted with different color pins, and my creations already tagged and waiting to go to the daily market to be met by FRIENDLY people (because they are sometimes hard to find anywhere in this world) and hopefully bought by them...I love to dream.

Today will probably be a sewing day, if the little one allows it. Even though my working nook is in the same room as his, just up the steep stares, he beings to scream and cry because I am not sitting with him while he plays. Mind you I can see him perfectly from where I sit and sew, and he can see be...but still he screams and screams until my thread breaks with my nerves and I storm down to tell him no and distract him....he is too smart, he knows my tricks and just looks at me with this look of  "Don't even try to go upstairs mama!"

Either way I have to sew, I only have maybe 4 completed birds that still need their stuffing and la, vender, and also I had the crazy idea to make my cousin Ale, who is pregnant, a little dragon for her future boy Mateo (isn't that a cute name!) Its a simple construction, but I need to finish that one by the 18th of this month....

On another note, I have been quite the adventurer. Since my mother has been here we have been going to thousands of places. We took her to Neushwanstein which is probably the most famous castle in Germany. Munich, a beautiful city full of amazing buildings, cafe's, markets, and smug arrogant mean people. We have also gone to Freudenstadt, which is only 15 minutes away anda beautiful town, Frankfurt to visit my cousin Susy. and Stuttgart.

Yesterday I was courageous enough to take Basti, my mom and I on a journey by train, and then subway connection to Wilhelma, which is a botanical garden and zoo. It was beautiful, but extremely stressful for me because I hate feeling lost and out of place. The day began with a flat stroller tire, which lead us to the baby store and then to a bike repair shop. My wonderful Husband, the multi-talented Dr.Niemann, repaired the leak and drove us to the neighboring train station to get out train. half an hour later we arrived to Stuttgart and wandered around the station looking for the subway.

After trying to figure out the map and which U14 to take, we scurried onto a finely packed can, also known as the UBahn. Apparently there is an unwritten codex of who to place a stroller in a ubahn, which I was unaware of, and still am, because many german mothers gave me an approving shake of the head. I pretended not to care, but inside I was a weeping child wanting my blankie and a warm bottle of milk. Its hard to pretend to be an adult that is confidente when you feel like you don't fill that role yet. I still feel like a kid playing with my mother's makeup....

Anyways, we finally arrived to Wilhelma and we amazed by its beauty. Basti was screaming and crying because he was hungry and tired. So we say on the grass (which Basti is petrified of!) and fed him. We walked around looking at the animals beautiful garden and buildings for hours, until Basti finally fell asleep and it was time to stuff ourselves back into the UBahn and take the train home.

On the way home I met the nicest person. She was ridding her bike with her family, and even though we only exchanged a few words she made me smile. It is so refreshing to find a friendly person. So thank you German mother of two I hope you made it safely to Rottweil!

Anyway...I'm sorry for the long post. If anyone read till the end..thank you I really appreciate it, truly thank you

my dream machine!

For a while now I have been dreaming about a machine that could help me complete my tasks faster, so that I can produce and create quicker, because at the moment every free minute I have I must cherish. So as I was wandering through cyberspace I came upon my dream machine, a machine that can do anything and everything. It is the Pfaff Creative 4.0 (cue the singing cherubs) I want this machine so bad it hurts, but the price here in euroland is way to far out of my none existing budget. But the dream still exists and persists, and at least I can imagine that one day I will be able to buy it....if only.

However, with my current Bernina, which I still like but is not the Pfaff creative 4.0, I have started making the sachets after making several prototypes, and finally I have a finished one. So one out of 60. ...59 to go...here's hoping I finish them on time.

I was going to post a picture, but I am lacking the stuffing which is deeply packed in a far of box down in the dreaded basement. So the picture will have to wait until Tuesday when all the stores reopen.
Until then..

Making Sachets

I just found out a couple of days ago, that my duty as a godmother is to provide a little gift to all the baptism invitees.  So being the overachieving sewing machine that I would like to be I decided that instead of giving them something that will collect dust I would give them something that would smell good and most likely collect dust as well. So I came up with a modernesque dove. the body will be in a bright chick yellow fabric, and the wings and the top strip that will join the two body pieces will be in a deep pastel pink with light yellow circles.

While on my delightful trip to Munich I found dried lavander at the daily fresh market, that I will be using to fill the sachets. The size of the doves will be about 10 cm in length and around 4 cm in width...and I have to make 60 of them before May 17th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love a challenge.

I will post pictures of the prototype later today when I get a chance, because lately my little one has been a fussy one, and a cranky screaming one! Even though I love that he has a strong personality and a very defined notion of what he wants and when this mother gets tired of the awful looks and stares she gets whenever the little one is happily screaming in his stroller.
Any suggestions? Because I would be more than happy to receive any!

Ich habe vor wenigen Tagen herausgefunden dass ich ein Geschenk fuer die Taufe machen muss, weil ich die Taufpatin bin.
die reste spaeter.....

Renewed by the warming sun

After a few months of digging myself deeper and deeper into a pit of despair, snow, and ickiness I have decided that enough is enough. It was a steep climb, and sometimes I would fall back in, but I am out, and the air is fresh, the flowers are starting to sprout, and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my back.

It is not that I am back, but instead I am renewed. I am a new person, and with it fresh ideas, a grander desire to create and produce.
I know I have probably lost a lot of readers, but if there are any of you left, thank you for coming back and joining me again, and since you were so kind enough to stick with me I will let you know some of the things I am planning.

First, since my German needs some serious electro-shock therapy I am going to start writing in german, also in english, just german after the english part. This will force me to review the grammar I already know, but mostely forgot, and look up new words and use them in a sentence.

Secondly I will be continuing with my Alphamales and other sofites.

Thirdly, I will continue my two very important (to me at least) stories and illustrations.

So there you go...thats my plan. What do you think?

Und jetzt Deutsch (es tut mir leid dass mein Deutsch sehr schrecklich ist.) 

Nach einigen Monaten des Ausgrabens mich selbst tiefer und tiefer in eine Grube der Verzweiflung, Schnee, und ickiness ich habe entschieden, dass genug genug ist. Es war ein steiler Aufstieg, und manchmal ich würde in zurückweichen, aber ich bin draußen, und die Luft ist frisch, die Blumen anfangen, zu sprießen, und ich kann die Wärme der Sonne auf meiner Rückseite fühlen.

Es ist nicht, dass ich zurück bin, aber anstatt ich bin erneuert. Ich bin eine neue Person, und mit ihm frische Ideen, ein großartigerer Wunsch zu schaffen und herzustellen.

Ich weiß, dass ich wahrscheinlich viele Leser verloren habe, aber wenn es irgendein gibt, von das Sie verlassen haben, dankt Ihnen kommend für zurück und schließend mich wieder, und da Sie so gütig genug waren, mit mir ich zu stecken, Ihnen einige der Dinge werde lassen kennen an, die ich plane.

Zuerst da mein Deutsch eine ernste Stromschlagtherapie braucht, die ich anfangen werde, auf Deutsch, auch auf Englisch, nur deutsch nach dem englischen Teil zu schreiben. Dies wird mich zwingen, die Grammatik die ich schon weiß zu überprüfen, aber mostely hat vergessen, und Aussehen auf neue Wörter und benutzt sie in einem Satz.

Zweit werde ich mit meinem Alphamales und anderem sofites fortsetzen.


Dritt werde ich mein zwei sehr wichtiges (zu mir wenigstens) Geschichten und Illustrationen fortsetzen.


So dort gehen Sie. ..das ist mein Plan. Was denken Sie?

A year ago

I have been contemplating my state of mind and have come to a conclusion. I am tired of feeling pain, sorrow, despair, and low self esteem. I have always read the many famous writers, illustrators, and anyone who has achieved greatness, that that greatness is  achievable. You only have to try, they all say, and all I have done is a lame attempt to try. I have been sucked into a black hole of despair by myself and by current occurrences in life. However, after loosing myself in this pit I have built stairs towards the light.

I do not feel prepared to sew at the moment, even though I still feel I have so much more to create with fabric. However, I have returned to my original desire to illustrate and write, for children, teens, and adults (who says that adults do not enjoy illustrated stories? I sure do) I will be focusing on that at the moment. I have to perfect my skill and learn my way around the illustrated world. It is full of colorful characters and exotic locations.
I will leave this blog open and running for when I feel prepared to return to the crafting world.

If you are interested in seeing my illustrations, and story ideas please follow me over to my other blog and flickr.
I am currently developing many ideas, such as Signs of Spring, a house full of old people and their wonderful adventures, Waldorf, the Vansurian time battle, Ms. Geraldine (an exotic bird who goes back home), and many others...